Saying It Out Loud

This week I learned something new about myself.    I learned that what I’m thinking in my head,  when not explicitly told to those I love,  is not necessarily known to those love ones.

This seems like a very obviously point,  but I often make this mistake.   I think this could be that I am an introvert by nature and I like to bounce thoughts in my own head.     Also I assume my love ones can feel what I am thinking because of my actions.   Actions speak louder than words right?


Sometimes words are more powerful than simple action.

  • I am reminded to tell my child that I accept her no matter what path she chooses for herself.
  • I am reminded to tell my child that I think about her future.   That as a parent,  I have obvious biases.   That I worry about her future.   I worry that if she doesn’t choose the obvious path to success,  that she will struggle in life.    I tell her that I don’t know the right path for another human being to take.    It is up to her to decide on her future.   Success is not guaranteed,  happiness is not necessarily the end goal.   Fulfilling work,  self expression and realization of your own talents is a worthy goal of life as well.

Sometimes random conversations with a child in a car leads to interesting learnings about myself and my child.

I love you.

dreaming of father+daughter team

I have this fantasy of playing badminton with C. as a mixed doubles team. The C.+Tony dynamic duo! She is 12 years old, flying at the birdie in front of the net. Father Tony jumping and smashing from the back. We are both enjoying executing what we’ve been training to do during our weekly badminton training sessions. Father and daughter filling in the gaps for each other as any good doubles team should be doing.

Now back to reality. C. is 6 1/2 years old and we are hanging out at the local badminton club :-)

This morning is the first step to that fantasy as I bring C. to the GGBC badminton club this Sunday morning. She refused to play for the first 2 hours, citing that she would rather play in the basketball courts close to my apartment. I spend the first 2 hours practicing serving 100 birdies into a bucket across the court. Then when her battery ran out for her MacBook, she came over and said she was bored.

She brought over her racket and I started to practice with her, by throwing birdies over the net and she was hitting them nicely across the net as I clown around bouncing the birdies on my head and my foot. She was loving it!!!

There was a badminton class that was going to start in 15 minutes but the coach was late. So I substituted for the coach and I helped coached 3 other kids along with C.. The other kids were 10-12 years old and I had C. return drop shots from the kids as I trained the older ones and made them run, swing the racket and sweat… Kate had a wonderful time and when we got home, she asked for more badminton training..

I think my fantasy will become reality one day. C. was coming up with our team name already. C&T badminton team

Father’s day at Santa Cruz

Father’s day turned out be to more than just Kate and Me at the Broadwalk.  My entire family came along and I’m glad they did.   My bro-in law rented a van and the 6 of us hopped in and off we went.  We got there at 9:45 and Kate and headed immediately to the beach, especially when Kate saw the sand.

Kate: I want to do go the sand
(we are coming up to the broadwalk)

My Mom: Should we head over to breakfast?

Kate: Now, I want sand now!

Me: Uhh, I’m not hungry, drop us off here and pick us up later.  BTW, my Treo is out of batteries, please try to find us.

9:45 am, I get a pager message from Yahoo! News that we had 404’s on the site, my Treo runs out of batteries. ARGGG, my parents already drove off.

I digged 5 inches down into the dry sand and open up a 8 foot wet sand pit for Kate.  She and I built sand castles for 3 hours.    The sun was nice but the beach was actually quite cold.  I did a 200 sand push ups to keep warm.   I tried looking for Aurora playing sand volleyball, didn’t see her but she was out there today.

I get found by my parents at 12:30pm and I ran over to the car to get my Treo charged and dial into work via bluetooth. I figured out the problem was with the MYSQL database and suggested a fix to my trusted comrad Glen and told him that I trusted him and I loved him (I didn’t really say that).

Thank god we hired some bad asses for Y! News.

After Kate had 6 turns at the Merry-go-around and a nice big ice cream cone, we head back home and had ourselves a kick ass BBQ.  I let my sister play with Kate for the entire day (what a nice father’s day present)  and I watched some DVD’s (Hoosiers) on my 17″ powerbook, had tons of Korean short ribs.

On a more personal note:
I also hooked up with a family friend who suffered from depression for several years and was reluctant to take drugs.  But when she finally started taking drugs, her whole outlook on life changed.  I think I’ll start taking meds for me to relieve my depression for a period of time.  I’m a little sick of my mood swings.